Being Silent when you have been Hurt

silenceWhen you have a problem with someone the worst thing you can do is be silent in hurt/anger/pain/whatever. When you are silent the other person who has wronged you probably doesn’t even know that they have done so.

The only way to solve the problem is to talk the problem out. Arguing is good as well but talking is probably better.

The problem with men is that we can’t read minds. When we don’t know what we have done wrong or know that we have caused pain so we go about our business taking care of everything else and never then resolve the issue because we don’t know there are issues. And since the original issue isn’t resolved it then festers deep inside for days/months/years until it blows up in everyone’s face.

If you want to resolve problems you have to talk to each other. For men this means you should poke a little harder to get your Passive-Aggressive partner to finally admit what they are pissed about. It may lead to an yelling match/argument but at least you may be able to resolve the problem and move past it.

Vaguebooking on Facebook (or other social platforms) DOES NOT HELP THE PROBLEM.

Here is an article about Relationships and the Silent Treatment

Too many people, within the context of their intimate relationship, seem to believe that their partner can read their mind. In other words, there is an incorrect notion that you should know why he or she is upset. Most often, the recipient of the silence is left with feelings of confusion and exasperation as they try to resolve the problem. However, how can someone resolve a problem when they do not know what is wrong?

On a deeper level, there is really a power struggle going on for the partner who has lapsed into silence. The silent treatment is really the expression of lots of aggression. The ultimate goal of the strategy is to win. The silent partner is expressing rage in a way that is passive aggressive. This is designed to get attention and to provoke feelings of guilt. Winning means that the target person admits to having committed some type of offense for which they are now begging forgiveness.

The paradox in this situation is that ultimately gets provoked is anger that then leads to a very loud argument.

Because the use of this passive aggressive weapon is so damaging to relationships it is important that the couple seek marriage counseling. Stonewalling does not promote intimacy, trust or marital and relational happiness.

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Loren Nason

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